Filed under Humor: In the age of online marketing it can be easy to generate leads online, but keeping them loyal is another story. Have you ever felt like your leads were opting in behind your back, or maybe you inadvertently sent that lead to another marketer’s squeeze page.
What on earth are those other marketers doing with YOUR leads? Will they try and woo them with grandiose promises of free reports, or even worse, use that phone number to try and sell YOUR lead something?
Now I don’t condone unethical activity, but times are tough so in this article we’ll look at 9 zany “tips” to protect your prospect from prying eyes.
#1 Put a tiny webcam on his belt. If he isn’t wearing a belt, affix it using staples directly to the skin.
#2 Break into his house when he’s not home. Put truth serum in all of the liquids in the fridge.
#3 Have another marketer try and prospect him to see if they cave. If they do, use this as leverage to downsell them on MLSP.
#4 Using the Freedom of Information Act, request records of his past MLM involvement. If the companies won’t comply with your request, impersonate him and request them yourself.
#5 Break into his checking account and make sure his account can cover your companies buyin. If he does, assume it’s because he is secretly signed with Ray last week due to his master sponsoring voodoo.
#6 Start a fake Facebook account and with it, friend all of his friends so you can see everyone’s profile. Use your fake Facebook account to prospect your prospect. Here’s a suggested opening message: “I see we have so many friends in common! I can’t believe I’ve never run into you! I’m sure I’d remember you 
”
#7 Rent a hot air balloon and secretly follow him to work on it. Hover above his place of business to make sure he isn’t attending someone elses PBR. Even though hot air balloons are the clowns of the sky (they’re colorful, scary, and no one likes them), this will give you a bird’s eye view of just how far your obsession (i mean, prospect) has gone.
#8 If you’re suspicious of any other networkers cold calling your lead, find out what they’re allergic to and cover your prospects phone with a fine dust of the allergen. This will ensure the prospect breaks out in hives and momentarily becomes so swollen that your competition couldn’t possibly talk to them. Bonus points if you thought “What a great time for a get well card.”
#9 Take the easy way out. Call them up, see what their current needs are and, you know, how you can help solve them.
Disclaimer: This article was adapted (hastily) from an article on jezebel and was a feeble attempt at humor. Please don’t take anything I suggested seriously. Well, except for that last one. And leave a comment below with your thoughts.
